Amazingness, which I have got

Well I haven't been going on this LJ very often at all in the past half year again, or like only a few times since my last post is more accurate. I was working on a writing one and even that started not geting filled up with stuff I wanted to put on it. But I am decidding to post here at least this one more time, I have been debating whether to continue or to create a new blog on LJ but I really don't get why I should create a new one now that I'm typing here, I suppose I will go back to updating this one frequently as I would like to again.

So I guess to update to what happened, I remained doing nothing for a great deal of time since October and had only 1 class I went to which I obtained a B in. That would of been easilly noted the worst semester of my life, and worst 5-6 months, ha it not been for that interpersonal communications class and the fact I became great friends with Maxie due to it. Actually having a great friend around to talk to allot and do stuff with helped me an awful lot and have been doing better largely due to it.

As for right now, I am on a laptop laying on a bed in Massachussettes. More accurately Westfield State College in Mass. And I am on my Girlfriend Katie's bed. I have been here this week since last Tuesday and I am leaving back home tomorrow. This has been the best week I've had and feel allot better about myself and things from now on. I know after going home back on my train tomorrow I have to figure out what I am going to do, I will actually get a job then figure if I want to try writing things and see if I can or want to go to Lewis University next fall. After the various lows of my life the past year now, I feel I now have an idea how to move on up and past things and just get better.

Well for now I have to get up and get ready to go, I have most my stuff ready and set to leave for tomorrow, but right now I'm going to meet Katie as she is getting out of her first day of work at the school Library today, and I am going to a GSA Meeting, Gay-Straight Alliance, and then some other talk thing after it, should be fun, Katie had joined the GSA last semester as she said they needed at least one straigt person in it, well, ta ta then whoever will read this. Later Dayz!

I am going through my old little notebooks that are full or random junk and I want to get rid of the used pages so I'm going to put a bunch of the odd quotes I found there onto here. aight aight.

I have no idea where these come from or what it has to do with anything but I wrote it for some reason..
("I want some BBQ-"
"I'm hungry... And I want a lottery ticket!")

Below it is written, Last train home.. I remember hearing that song then asking Kyte who sung it, I must of not been on my computer I think I was just laying and lazy or bad feeling.

[On the last page which is now got a bunch of lame drawings i put over time on it, it had some notes I took from Philosophy with Justin and its on the speech of Plato Phaedo. It talks about how suicide is foolish because one never has or could learn all that there is to learn. Also that it is hurtful to others even god and in the case of a slave, that also hurts the slaves owner and such. Plus that it harms others because you don't share your knowledge and spread it to others.]

(Whys the sky so red tonight)
Obviously that was some random start of a bad poem since it was going nowhere and just came from nothing I can remember.)

I've decided now to pull out ones that have some slight poetry to them or song feeling or story idea to them and collect them up and just put them together.

I just found a quite kinda complete short poem song that is kinda megadeth like sounding to me now that I read it, I remember writing it but I can't remember the actual tone to it which hurts allot of what I write I realized when I go back to them.

I found a idea that relates to things from a story of mine, it would take allot of explaining to mention it though. I know what it is exactly I'm trying to say, even though I can hardly read my pencil writing and it was written quickly with the thoughts in my mind.

I came upon a page with crazy idea written at the top... It's some kind of story idea with a writer creating a world and somehow in his mind when he see's what is written is changing and somehow is able to go into the world and fix things but idk gets stuck or something Idk where I was going with it to much, but kind of trying to control the inconsistent.

Hmm there's some serious thing written here, but there's a bit of it which I'm not into wanting to read right now.

I hit a bunch of dreams now and i will end for now.. for now

I haven't posted in a couple weeks or something like that I guess, so suppose I could now. I've decided I just can't handle things right now mentally and emotionally am dealing with allot of problems so I'm dropping at least 2 of my classes, the one for sure I'm staying in is Interpersonal Communication cause that's so the best class I've ever taken. And I'm not making an premature evaluation on that one, ah esoteric jokes are funny to those who get them.

Well last weekend I spent most all of it at NIU since I went there to help Chibe with a video film he was doing for a class with a vampire that I got killed by, so that was pleasant... it all was until Sunday night when I started throwing up and then just heaving nothing but bile every 20 minutes or hours or so until like 2PM. Other than that which was awful and the first time I've ever done anything like that, it was awesome.

So anyhow, what I really wanted to mention was how things were just starting to get better and grow over a rough time of bad arguing and a actual case of depression for me, but now it all got worse and I really don't know what to do. I suppose I'm told being lied to, cheated on, and used could of and has been worse, yet I'm still unsure in this situation. In fact I can't say I'm sure of anything at this point. I don't really know what to think or except, and I sure have no clue of what I should do to get on with things.

I was thinking before that all my goals and dreams are much different than they were just months ago and much different than they were a year ago. Then suddenly now, it hit me that I really have no dreams of what to strive for at the moment, I guess the only thing I can try to do now it see if i can figure out any. Though as of now, I have not a single idea of a dream I can see rationally picture happening. That's all that I got in me, goodnight companions.

I was at an airport yesterday to pick up my sister and it was really surprising watching all the peoples reactions walking through there. Some of these people obviously had to have been to airports before as they sure seemed like it, yet, all of them seemed shocked when their bags weren't out on the belts right when they got off the plane, they just stand back and look around confused like, well this can't be and felt not sure of themselves. It's weird how when your there and just watching it all, the airport system seems so easy and obviously fluid, but when your trying to go through it, its like a nervous chaotic wreck that everyone thinks something will go wrong in the lines and boarding pass areas.

Anyhow, after watching some various things later, I was thinking about aliens and supernatural stuff and how a week ago I claimed in supernatural beings and figures but not in UFO's that hover around and disappear. I figured that those could be just supernatural things moreso than just the simple idea of aliens. Then things I saw were pointing out why can't it be, or perhaps it could be the other way around, that ghosts and such things are aliens from far away trying to enter through a different realm or form of existence. All that got me thinking if there could really be a definable way of which is which, and which is correct if at all.

After debating past all that nonsense I still believe that true supernatural beings existing on connected different realms or are just hidden. The biggest factor I still feel against aliens around with spaceships hovering that define all we so far know about space and the elemental forces is, that we made these things up. The way that the technology was always explained and shown in bad theories is the ways our science fiction has created things to appear to work and look. If there is anything about UFO's I'd believe would be ones that have crash landed in the past. Not some hovering glowing circle in the sky that can move in 3 dimensions within our atmosphere and space, as far as we know is quite ridiculous and since humans made that up with knowledge that we can't create it, makes it absurd to be considered real technology from others.

News report of the day, If you've seen two men dressed in drag buying tube socks, alert the police immediately. Not that their is some crime against it nor that their fancy, its quite a real threat about, and a brilliant one I do say.

I saw that the question writing thingy here was something about do romantic things for lovers in September, well I never heard that in all my life before. Although, I am aware that September is the month most relationships are started, why? I don't know, perhaps its the weather. Honestly, I'm not sure if that's statistically true, but they say so, as well as say something along those same lines, in Animal Crossing in September at times, which is something I chose to believe, HOW COULD THAT BE A LIE!!

Well just a few short minutes til I have to go, I better go off and whitewash some fences... Oh what? That's not what I have to do.. Hmm.. READ THE PLAY FENCES??? Oooooh I partly have already.. So I must finish this.. and sadly there's no real real fences being WHITEWASHED AT ALL! THAT'S NOT VERY BLOODY AMERICAN THEATER.. Or just maybe it is since it is a play about black culture.. oh well, we're back to the September coldness, YAY!

It's hoodie season.. TAKE THE HEAT!! (As written in my sophomore year yearbook, yes its random but makes sense, sorta)

Little minds stand like trees
tiny thoughts grow teeny branches,
Expressions plucked like leaves
dropped unheard dreams

Blue emergency
Strong pole towers,
Green wonder
Once tall,
Broken soil, broken dream,
Distant memory
Lost possibility

Broken ground
Ignored
Wandered memories
Destroyed
Torn tree, forgets me

The Doctor!!(#10) Since he would easily find our way out in no time, if not, it would still be brilliant!

CICADAS! heh, nah I wish.. but when I got up today, thats how it all started. I saw on my kitchen table there was the local newspaper there and it had a little article about some guy talking about cicadas and how it does seem to quiet this summer around here, even though I already acknowledged that and agreed its true with Beth like a month ago,lolz, but the guy was saying how cicadas are now around this year in like states like Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Tennessee I believe. So if you want to get your cicada pet collecting or eats on its too those states.. that have nothing.. yet currently have deliciously loud cicadas ^-^

Then the rest of the day I pretty much spent trying to get my computer internet which still failed, I think I know why but nobody believes that it could be the true reason. oh well!

So later though, I went to the taste of Orland Park, which isn't very impressive technically, it's just out in front of the village hall and with a bunch of food vendors about but the real attraction was there was what they call the one of the best Beatles cover bands there, American English, and that was really awesome. Even though they didn't play my real favorite Beatles songs it was pretty cool. Well I did have one of those awesome Shillelaghs from Sammys aka Sam McGuire's hehe.. speaking of Sammy.

On Thursday I actually saw an awesome awesome episode of Supernatural from the 3rd season called Mystery Spot, where Sam ends up in a timewarp reliving the same day over and over, like in groundhogs day, in which he see's Dean die each day before it goes back to him waking up. It was the best of the bunch I've seen and made me really really want to watch the entire show now, I know I got distraught after their father wasn't Christopher Loyd like he was in the picture of him in the pilot episode but I think I can look past that now ^^

Then later that night I went to see, "The Dark Knight" which was great and Idk what people are thinking, maybe its because I haven't seen in it quite a long while now, but allot of folks claimed Batman Begins was better, yet I thought that wasn't even as great as most people claimed it was to begin with, I still thought the first two modern batman movies were just as good or slightly better than Batman begins. I think the dark knight is definitely better than all of those movies though. Plus I thought Katie Holmes was really cheesy and bad in Batman Begins.. but Maggie Gyllenhaal was so much better and actually a good aspect of this film. ((Which reminds me I want to find the movie Secretary, but it hasn't been at disc replay))

Although this movie was great.. I still have to say, Batman: the movie, the old 60's movie from the television show is the greatest batman movie to date. It's just so hilarious! I don't know how they can beat that. With all the greatest villains teaming up with the plot to turn U.N. into powdered dust to create chaos they could control.. and their trap to defeat Batman was have catwoman lure him into a room where he would then step over a trap panel on the floor, get shot out the window into the water, directly into the exploding octopus. That added with the 3 classic amazing scenes of, the shark attack on the helicopter, the boat fighting scene where thugs at various times are just jumping off the ship untouched, and the great part where batman is trying to get rid of a bomb and is looking around for somewhere to place it, but oh no!! theres a crowd that way.. and OH NO! theres ducks right there in the water, I can't possibly throw it there!! Then of course the great ending moment of when they finally get the members of U.N. back to the way there were, but somehow they all ended up speaking the wrong languages and just sit around a table yelling like they did before.. because everyone knows all the U.N. is, is 8 different countries leaders siting around at a big table and yelling at eachother in each of their own languages, but no.. Batman screwed up and therefore.. thinks he did the world good, at least he claims so to Robin.
The End. . . ?

Tis Devon's gift of live day officially, another 21yearold finally.. but whatever dun really matter.. I might get him some cabbage.. humans like cabbage don't they? Which HE does, since I know he trained by eating lettuce for a eating pizza challenge he almost won with Paul in a two people attempt in eating a 23 inch thick double layered pizza in 23 minutes..

Anywho, I saw earlier they must be starting to show the new/ episodes they made like 5 years ago of The Twilight Zone because I saw the first one they did again which is my all time favorite, and I really like the old ones.

It stars Jason Alexander in it as, Death, who gets taken to a hospital after he tried to hang himself and stood there for 22 hours. It's funny because he is the perfect fit to picture death, a tiny little stocky balding depressed looking man. The whole episode is about the Dr. that is working the shift when he comes in and he death decided he wants to quit. Then just after the Dr. ends up believing him and telling him it is a great idea, a bunch of burnt people come into the hospital and they have no pulse or blood pressure and are in agony, then he realizes death has to remain. So after he tells Death he has to keep doing what he does and taking lives the Dr. ends up dying of a brain aneurysm as he was having headache pains the whole episode, Totally awesome episode.. but I remember the ones that came after it were never as good as that.. which is probably why the show ended so quickly.

So thats whats in, the new!

Wow hehe, I was just sitting on my pooltable.. which is full of lunch as always like a bed matrise and a coffee table as well as boxes and I was looking at stuff then I suddenly saw the postalcar drive up to my mailbox and saw that it wasn't my normal mail man. The average one is a dorky looking white guy with big glasses who I've always known as our mailman and he is awesome!

This was just some young looking black guy, so I figured that I would go get the mail soon when I take the recycling and garage bins up to the curb later, Cause we all know that taking the garage out is such a huge thing in American suburbia... Unlike in England where the garage just.. wills itself out of the house, according to Eddie Izzard. (Who I heard a guy on the radio earlier mention he just said something that he took from Eddie Izzard which I then felt that guy had gained +3 respect points from me for that comment)

So as I was sitting, I saw the mailman driving back from where he came from, kinda in the middle of the road, then he turned and made a funny looking quick 3 point turn to come around back to my mailbox and then took a box and put it into my mailbox... so weee I got a package.. though it certainly isn't for me.. So now I will actually go take out garage stuff and then get that mystery mail package. Then I shall take a shower, I say this just because you need to know what I will be doing for the next hour!

Remind me to never talk to someone... mmm I'll say born after 1991 as my limit.. about old shows and kid shows and old music. I feel so old and just realized... It makes me sad to think that someone would stare at me awkwardly and not understand at all what I was doing if I lifted my hand into the air with a ring on and said, HEART! ..or earth, fire, wind, or water but who shouts those.. it's not as funny or humiliating.

I've been talking for an hour or more with a friend of mine on AIM about old shows and such on nickelodeon and she claimed to love the old days of Nick... Yet her old days are so not the old days of nick. She was talking of the times of like 2000's & 01's and mentioned shows from then.. but I wasn't rude at that point to say how the real old days were earlier with shows like Doug, Rocko's modern life, Ahh! Real monsters, and Ren and Stimpy... Plus GOOD live action shows but we hardly talked about those.. just how they have all sucked, mostly, for so so so very long. Despite original All that, Kennan and Kel and now kind Drake and Josh isn't bad... but there has been only failures in that genre.

It really makes you feel old to think... Cause mostly I brought it up more deeper after it started with Invader Zim cause of my icon.. Because we were making fun of how people are at the time with obsessed with having crazy annoying aim sounds and icons. Then it all made me realize how much shows will still suck when my niece watches shows, which she will plenty if she is like her mom... unless she gets into the bizarre habit my sister did for awhile of watching a blank screen right up against it yelling at anyone who tried to turn it one because she claimed she was watching the Mickey Mouse Show... Lol

But anyyeah.. besides that cartoons and kids shows are going downhill completely. Plus weird programs people are going crazy about nowadays like Baby Einstein are just causing kids to be autistic, so I claimed they either need to step up their shows for kids or need to release all the old shows so I can then get them and force her to only watch those better shows instead ^-^

..HEY! I'm not crazy... ITS FOR THE GOOD OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE!!

Yes yes joyus drinks about, anywho.. I just finished getting all of my stuff back from my apartment to my house and have been setting up stuff in my room all night. So thats been fun yet often frustrating with adjusting things and having a dresser in my room thats only full of my sisters clothes that my dad refuses to let me move to the basement in place of a bookshelf I could use! Since I have boxes of books right now with nowhere to put them currently, bah!

Well yesh I just watched Conan and Tokio Hotel had which was apparently their US television debut which was pretty good. Expect idk if it was cause my tv was low but they sounded so quiet and not as heavy. I heard the song several times before and am Listening to it right now Ready, Set, Go! (Which is a good song which I think is even better than the L'arc~En~Ciel song Ready, Set, go.. which was one of the openings to Full Metal Alchemist and I hate that anime! but like the song) Even though the song sounded kinda weakly, it was still not bad. The best par was after they preformed and Conan walked over there and said hi to them all like always just as the feed was fading to black you could see him make a gesture toward Bill clearly saying he likes his hair since he lifted his hands off the top of his head! XD LOL, oh I just looked it up and it was old, it happened in May! Thats disappointing.. kinda.

Well I don't know what I is to do now.. I'm sorta jealous since Beth claimed to be watching specials on Astronomy.. I WANNA! And that makes me realize how very angry I am with the new way the PBS program on WTTW Nova Science Now has changed recently. Their format is different and instead of focusing an episode on one or something multiple on 1 subject (such as the atom study-string theory 3 part episode my astronomy teacher had and I saw before) Even though it sometimes wasn't Astronomical things it was usually and if not was still not often anything dull.. Now its like about 4 things crammed into 15 minutes each in an episode so its not as interesting and sometimes I've wanted to see one thing they advertised and its so small and other things I didn't care much about took over more time.

I probably should just look things up online, and I got my computer in my room so I'll be able to hook that up to my internet soon enough probably sometime next week, so have a smashing life gift day to la dia de betha!

(Beth did this so I saw it and said what the hell I'll do it la la la la la even thought it'll take me like 8 retarded hours on how to figure out how to go back to find the posts thats are closet I shall find a way... Even though it wont really work since I didn't post for all of 07 uhh idk what ima do about this, LOL! This is gonna look horrid I think, and totally unreadable by anyone cause I'm now splicing in Xanga bits to fill the huge gaps)

Chances are people you don't even know are being introduced to your journal every day, either randomly or through someone else. In addition to recent entries, people can get to know you better by what you posted in the past. With that in mind post a link to your entries on this day three months ago, six months ago, nine months ago, a year ago, and two years ago. If there was no entry on that day, link the closest date.

Three months ago: I should be a poet wheow!! And a disturbing personal poem and thoughts with it


Six months ago: Techincally not nearly that long ago, but my first post back here since like back in the day..


So I'll add this block from my now never updated Xanga near that time.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Truely.. Sleepless...
Well, I not exactly sure whats going on, yet I'm unable to sleep at all right now, I can't even relax my body in the slightest it seems, not quite sure why that really is.. I did feel fine last night yet I think my body was at first all hopped up on monster that I was drinking for almost no reason, just seemed to work to whatever it was I wanted... then after I got back from seeing Sweeney Todd, I had started drinking the "Westerns" that Paul had left for me to finish after he and Devon had been drinking... idk.. I guess I'll have to find some way to relax but nothing seems to be helping in anyway.. anything.. just more knotting and tensing in my body... but I guess in someways its ok... my sleeping's always awful anyway.. Even though I often joked at that shame.. I do indeed now feel the way.. sleepless.. so I guess.. I'll just have to find, another way.. again today...


Nine months ago: Well my first post back on here when I decided to post here againy


A year ago: Just over a year ago on Xanga,

JULY 7TH 2007

Wowza, so first off I guess, out of many shockingish things that have happened at least in my oppinion of onions the past few days is on umm Tuesday, the 3rd O Julyness which was also my ex's B-day yes yes true, well I was bored so I started riding my bike around and decided to go around neighboorhood areas cause my tires are full, but they could use a bit more especailly in the front tire. Well I ended up ridding past Steve's house when I saw a bunch of cars there and people leaving and Steve outside, Totally shocking! And I saw him hug some girl who I think was his 43 year old sister or however old she is. Then he was shocked to see me and it was kinda funny because he looked exactly the same as I remember and he had that tiny goatee he often had. But I saw his other little sister and his parents both standing in the doorway but I rode off quickly before anything else would happen, but I still was shocked to see Steve was actually alive! Then I think that night was when Peoples came to my house, yes yes, I just remember watching John Carpenters Vampires while Devon drank the manhatton thing that was really not good lol.

Then on the 4th I think I saw the best fireworks in person i saw before, but not that I really cared about them that much. Though it beats the annoying shows places have at times but it was whatever, then today which is now yesterday, well the friday day thats more like it, I was offered by Paul to go see Transformers but Idk I partly didn't want to see it aka much at all and maybe he noticed that by how I responded to him before, or he just didn't call me today but that didn't matter becuase people who are in my philosphy class that I talk to everyday there, decided we should see a movie, so I ended up seeing Die Hard with 2 people because everything else looked bad or wasn't worth seeing. And I was super shocked that the movie was actually good, and even that punk Jeepers creepers/dodgeball/Mac kid was good in it. What I heard on the radio was true too, it doesn't seem like a Pg-13 movie at all, yet he doesn't fully say Yippee Ki Yay Motherfucker because like I thought it is cut out by a gunshot but the movie was still ficken awesome. But I was disapointed one of the people who was supposed to come didn't show up becuase she instead stayed home to write her philsophy paper which isn't due to the end of next week and to eat frozen cookiedoe and watch everybodylove raymond AND You've got Mail, two horrible horrible thigns to watch, and I totally lost much respect to her because of that!

((Yes no respect left at all.. wait then why would I be copying and lamely doing this then.. Damit, That respect didn't stay lost very long at all lol, I feel like a total idiot now, I just commented on her LJ from WAY back then when she mentioned this and I didn't remember the everybody loves Raymond part and mentioned that made it worse, which is does, but I guess I did know I just forgot cause the awful You Got Mail stuck to my head overpoweringly.))

Two years ago: "..Promises is all I've heard"(OMG I haven't heard that song is like 10 years! I have to go look up what it is now!!)[Sparkle- Be Careful] Ok I have a post close to it, Me talking about posting a year prior so I'll put that up too
~~~~~~~~
Idk what its about but hear it is! From Three years ago



ETA:

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if
we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and
me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be
surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

I just realized lately as it being July... That people have not been getting the proper Christmas cheer and spirit as they should be! Thats like the only thing I like about it. Though people aren't getting to see the greatest things ever created like 50+ years ago to show off the greatest of crazy christmasness by WGN. And those would be the awesome 3 videos of: "Hardrock, Coco, and Joe"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT5Ohgl7eTM

Now admire the spirit of joy you missed out on possibly lol

I was just watching Jurassic Park last weekend or maybe the weekend before like on one of the days idk at all, but Spazz and a friend of her's kept calling me and then they just called me for a bit now and then hung on cause they claimed to be on a extremely extremely extremely busy road... But before they left I turned on my TV in my basement and Jurassic Park 2: Lost Worlds is on, LOL!

But when I watched it, it made me remember a post Beth made several months ago about how she watched it and made fun of the things that are inaccurate with the movie.. Allot of things I've seen people complain about it are actually not total problems at all in the movie.

She claimed how it was dumb that they had they put a pair of portapotties covered in straw right next to the T-Rex paddock for a tour in cars that cannot be stopped and doors cannot be opened?

I originally claimed that it had to be for the workers there who go along, yet then re-watching made me see, those doors on the cars DO open, it isn't a track that has them locked. The crazy old guy even said when they opened them back at the control room about how he knew they NEEDED to have them locked. So there is plenty of reasons for there to be those portapotties cause they are needed, and the straw is to keep up with the image, if it was just a normal one out there... it would look SOOOO LAME to all the guests of the park.

Plus for anyone who claims its faulty because most of those dinosaurs aren't from the Jurassic age isn't a big deal, its a place for show, now for accurate details. It sounds better and fits and isn't sooo far off.

Though for people who claim its inaccurate because the dinosaurs don't look right is wrong to the actual movies story. These are not actual dinosaurs brought to live or through time. its clones MIXED with toad(reptilian)D.N!A. Although it theoretically make sense why that makes the raptors larger than they should be not that it is impossible to cause something of that sort. It DOES make sense to why the raptors are featherless since it could off been due to the reptilian genes spliced with them.

And as far as I know, Dinosaur and Reptilian genes can splice... I never heard any songs against it.. like that Loverboy song. Pig and Elephant genes just don't splice!!

I remember not really liked JP2 so I'm not really gonna watch it, I saw a raptor trying to bite Jeff Goldblum's crotch already, and I've seen the best part I assume now lol, all eyes on Goldblum!


((LOL I just heard a news brief for whats to come later saying what made this gay pride parade so special this year... and what I thought was... That the lesbian waitress we had at TGIF last week asked Rocco if he was gonna go to the parade and after she walked away he shouted, "How did she knoooow!?" as if it wasn't obvious already. Good times, good times... While I didn't get molested that time there, lol, I did get hugged by Rocco twice, yet, Hug---compared to what happened last time is no match. That was much more pleasant))

I tried to think about getting back to Role Playing with the people I was sort of connected to during RPing back when I used to.. but then I began to realize that it would just end in more wasting of everything as it did before. All I did before was waste peoples time and effort. Even though I was talking to a friend I briefly unseriously rped with who didn't remember doing it with me, it still seems like thats not gonna really be anything to prove me wrong.

So I deicded I was gonna quit my friends forum if I don't join th rp section at least for now, or that if it changes I would help make it changed yet for now I'm planning to leave it.

I'm not sure why, lately I just feel everyones moving on or forward and all I can see is that I'm the only one falling back at least out of who is actually still talking to me or not just too interested within other aspects.

I've been trying to do allot of things to just get something started again yet everything seems to fail or to upset and distrubt something going on with another friend of mine which causes them to grow futher apart or off on their own.

Well I've just now trying to see what I should even do with all the time I have, I feel every moment I let go by is wasting more time to try to get things back on some kinda rhythm. I just can't find whats worth doing at anytime like now

I've been watching at the circle turns around
As I stare at it sucks me in
Turn the light down 'cause that feels better
I am falling down into the deep of me

Can you break me up into some little pieces
I'm stuck I'm nowhere Lost my direction
I can't pretend like I'm a better man
I'll do anything if you can crush me

I've been watching at the squre which shrinks and spreads
As I stare at it does stares back
Turn the light down or it will uncover me
Like I'm stupid
Like I'm idiot

Can you break me up into some little pieces
I'm stuck I'm nowhere Lost my direction
I can't pretend like I'm a better man
I'll do anything if you crush me


I'm mostly really really tired and for some reason wanted to post that song up badly hehe. I'm also getting disturbed because now a different friend of mine just changed her myspace and is now getting a shitload of random people invites and friend requests with the disturbingly sleezly people like that. I guess I know see how that is and how people can be not quite that way while still being there.
Anyhow life goes on
I need no sympathy of yours
Anyway my life's rolling on
I need no sympathy of yours

"Get your ass down here and say please
Beg on your knees down here and say please" Can you break me up
into some little pieces
I'm stuck I'm nowhere Lost my direction
I can't pretend like I'm a better man
I'll do anything if you crush me

Can you break me up into some little pieces
I'm stuck I'm nowhere Lost my direction
I can't pretend like I'm a better man
I'll do anything if you crush me

I really don't feel like saying too much but I partly feel I ought to. I was just a foolish jerk most of yesterday and I really overrated to something that I just felt awkward about because of allot of little things. I can't really say why I flipped out but I hate that I did.

So now I don't really know what is going to happen with things which is weird because a similar kind of thing happened just like this at this time before and I had overrated to basically nothing then as well but it happened to be involving the same person in a way. Mostly right now I'm just trying to spend as much time as I can not hating myself yet I'm not sure if it is going to last as things are now.